Bura Jo Dekhan Main
Chala, Bura Naa Milya Koye
Jo Munn Khoja Apnaa, To
Mujhse Bura Naa Koye
This time I have chosen one of the most controversial topics for myself.
From last few months I was thinking to write on this topic, in fact I did write
on it in September 2011 but I had to scrape it because at the end I was remain confused
about my actual views on Jealousy. This time I have done my full analysis &
writing about the same. Finally I found above mentioned Doha from the “Great Sant Kabir” suitable to start the
post.
Let’s start with “The Criminal Inside”.
Yes we may have criminal inside us in various forms, “Jealousy” is one of its form. Other can be “Our Thought”, “Our
Mentality”, “Our Act”, “Our Views”, “Our Greediness”, “Our Selfishness”, “Our
Ego” and “Our Arrogant” etc.
Few people have the capability to identify these criminals before it comes
outside & kill them inside only, but few can’t. Few don’t find anything
wrong & few know the Dirty Picture behind it.
I remembered one day in a Lunch table, I had a very good discussion
with my colleague on the topic how we can deal with the “Criminal inside Us”.
She was in the opinion that whatever we are doing or thinking, we
should be true to ourselves & we should be able to face ourselves in front
of Mirror”.
I was quite impressed with the thought. Think about the
situation when you are in front of mirror, find yourself guilty & can’t
make an eye contact with your own image. This fear will help you to kill the
criminal inside before you act. Not a bad idea indeed. Respect the thought.
But in another hand I was not satisfied with the idea fully,
as if you are able to find out by yourself what is wrong & what is right in
each & every situation then you are the god. Because for each situation there
can be different opinion of individuals. Something which is wrong for you may
be right for other group of people & something you think right might be not
appreciated by group another people & we will be arrogant if we will say
that we know everything what is wrong & what is right for us. Some time we
can be selfish while thinking about good or bad & in that case you will be
able to stand in front of mirror even though you must have wrong.
But there is no solution of “Selfishness”. When decisions made selfishly then there is no
question of feel guilty while facing your own image in front of mirror.
I have my own way of dealing with “The Criminal Inside”. According to me it’s difficult for an
individual to decide whether something is right or wrong in all situations. In
some situations he or she may be wrong. I am following the concept of “Invisible Power” around us called “God”. That invisible power is looking
after us for all our activities & if we do something unethical then he has
the punishment for us by any ways. For me this fear is sufficient to stop me
from any wrongdoing. Believe me I don’t have the capacity to tell lie. In situations
where I have to say lie either I will be keep quit or avoid making any comment
then to say lie because I fear to God, I have to give answer to him. My thought
seems spiritual but this concept of “Invisible
Power” always helps me to stop from any unethical work.
According to me if an individual is mature enough to decide
what is wrong & right in all the situations then he or she is nothing but a
“God”.
“Jealousy” one of
the form of Criminal Inside us according to me no human being can be unaffected
by this.
I had a multiple mind set for “Jealousy”. Previously I wanted to project its positive side but
after my further analysis, if we have to generalize “Jealousy” then it can’t be good in any ways.
“Jealousy is something when you hurt yourself on other’s success”.
The most favourable factors which influences Jealousy is I,
Me & Myself à
1.
“I” for
“Ego” à Ego the
better word to differentiate the meaning of words “I” & “We”. My friend
Vidhan told me that generally people failed to differentiate the “Self Respect” & “Ego”. When it comes to your “Self Respect” then it’s all together a
different situations & there is no question of “I”. But when it comes to “Ego” then in that case there must be
“I” working behind us. Satisfying “Self
Respect” may not be wrong but satisfying “Ego” is always unethical. Showing your limitation by the mean of hurting
your “Ego” while others is
celebrating means you have invited “Jealousy”.
In
that case you will say “How can He or She make it possible?”
2.
“Me” for
“Selfishness” à Selfishness is another factor which influences “Jealousy”. When you stop others to become successful even though you may not be affected from that success. Any
act done selfishly to hurt other's success is also the symptoms of “Jealousy”.
In
that case you will say “Only Me, No One Else”.
3.
“Myself”
for “Arrogance” à When you have achieved
something & now someone else is also seems to achieve the same without hurting
your achievement. Still your “Arrogance”
hurting yourself for others achievement showing the biggest criminal inside you
as “Jealousy”. This is the worst
factor to influence “Jealousy”.
In that case you will say “No one other than me can do it”.
But is that the only factors responsible for a person to
being Jealous?
I don’t think so...!!!!
People don’t responsible for their Jealousy always. It’s not
your Ego, Selfishness or Arrogance always produces Jealousy.
As per my experience, person without any Ego, Selfishness
& Arrogance can also caught by Jealousy.... L
It’s very difficult for a human being to avoid certain
situations where unwillingly you have to be Jealous & the situations can be
à
1.
You have
been Insulted à When successful people
making fun of yours when you are unsuccessful. Even though you are happy for
them.
2.
You have
been Compared à When people starting comparing
your failure with others success. Even though you have not thought for the
same.
3.
You have
been Ignored à When people start ignoring
you for others & the reason for that is not your behaviour.
4.
You feel
yourself Alone à Some time in your bad time you find yourself alone when other
busy in enjoying their success.
5.
You find
yourself Helpless à In the race of life you
find others going fast & find yourself helpless as you don’t have resources
like others.
6.
Your
Success became Unsung à When your success have been
dominated by others success. You feel good for others success but still your
success became unsung.
There are lots of situations we faced when we unintentionally
caught by “Criminal inside us” called
“Jealousy”. Certain situations can’t
be avoidable by any mean. We found ourselves guilty for being Jealous from
others.
But in any ways Jealousy is Jealousy & should not be tolerated.
And the real humanity has been tested when you became successful to kill this
Jealousy before it start showing its negative impact outside the world.
Jealousy if misused can damage everything & if used as
motivational factor without hurting others to influence self for work harder to
do better than before then you can achieve milestones of great success like anything.
Jealousy in one side can influence “Healthy Competition” which makes both the affected parties successful
in faster speed but in other hand Jealousy can influence “Destructive Competition” which can destroy everything in just one
go.
Chalti chakki dekh kar,
diya kabira roye
Do paatan ke bich mein,
sabut bacha na koye
“Jealousy – The Criminal inside Every Human Being” when started reflecting
in your attitude then it may results in following 2 type of attitude à
1.
Jealousy
with Negative Attitude: This is the situation when we became negative after
being jealous. Negative in sense, we actually can’t digest someone’s success. “We
wanted that person to go down”. Such
attitude should be avoided. This attitude reflects in our behaviour. Nobody can
appreciate this & we may damage our image with this attitude. It is obvious
that we can’t get success with this attitude but this is not good in the ground
of humanity as well. People with negative attitude from jealousy always try to pull
down the opponent rather try to step up by doing something productive. Anything
which is to done for damaging someone’s success with wrong way can’t be right
& this attitude due to jealousy can’t be accepted in any case.
“If you have developed negative
attitude for someone because of jealousy then it’s never been good for you but
if someone else has developed negative attitude towards you due to jealousy
then that means you are growing & you can use it as tonic to boost up your success
by always giving positive responses to
such people with results & this can
be a great “Motivation” for us to go
up.
2. Jealousy with Positive Attitude: Now
the positive attitude from jealousy. Jealousy is so negative then how we can
derive a positive attitude from this. I think we can. One thing we must
understand is that you can never utilise someone else success. What will only help
us is the success achieved by our own. If you feel jealous with someone with his or
her success then positive attitude can “Motivate” you to speed up yourself
to catch his or her level of success or may be go beyond that. But we should
also take care that by speeding up our self, we should not damage success of
our opponent for our success, means we should avoid leg pulling. This is called
positive attitude from jealousy. Without harming any one you have been
motivated to work hard to get success due to jealousy, not a bad move indeed as
per me.
“According to me jealousy results in positive attitude always good for both the concerning parties. Like if you jealous with someone & you take it positively. Trying to catch or go beyond him or her, it is obvious that your opponent will also try to increase his or her speed & because of that both will get certain level of success before actual time for sure without hurting anyone.”
When
you say following to yourself after being jealous with someone, “If
one man can do another can do” or “If you can do then why can’t I” or “I
will show the world that I can also do that” etc showing your positive
attitude because that will never damage other’s success. But it became negative
when you says “No one can be better than me” or “Let me see how you can better
than me” or “How you can do that if I can’t” etc.
In certain cases you may harm the opponent’s success with
either of the attitude you developed, negative or positive due to jealousy. In
these kinds of cases it is better that we should be “Neutral in your Act & thought”. In that case you become Jealous
with someone success but in other side you
found yourself satisfied by saying you were not right person for this success
or you don’t deserve it. You don’t want to hurt others & less interested to
act on it.
My Last
Words for Jealousy à
Kabira Khada Bazaar
Mein, Mange Sabki Khair
Na Kahu Se Dosti, Na
Kahu Se Bair
Jealousy is cancer which should be destroyed in its initial
stage but “Jealousy is a Criminal inside Every Human Being” & some
time it’s unavoidable. As a good human being we should always search for a
better exit from this. Either by killing it with self meditation or use it as
Motivational factor by creating better atmosphere for all to grow with healthy
competition.
I have faced Jealousy inside me various times in my life, some
time due to the imbalance of our society based on poverty & richness, some
time I felt Ignored due to lack of social image in terms of sophisticated rich life
style, some time due to our poor condition has been insulted by egoistic rich
people, sometime when I found my helplessness when double standard people enjoying
better social life.
“I would like to say thanks to those who
involved in all above either directly or indirectly to make me tough, make me
strong, motivate me to achieve something which we couldn’t even dream for & give me power create positive attitude
in myself.”
There were few incidents when my Ego, Selfishness & Arrogance
became the reason of my Jealousy. I always found myself guilty whenever I think
for those incidents.
“I would like to say thanks to God for punishing me whenever my Ego, Selfishness
& Arrogance dominant The Humanity & Ethics. Thank you god for showing my limitations
while Criminal inside me at its worst & pull me down whenever required.”
And finally the end of my philosophical & spiritual thought
related to Jealousy with the one greater Doha from “Sant Kabir” à
Jab Tun Aaya Jagat
Mein, Log Hanse Tu Roye
Aise Karni Na Kari,
Pache Hanse Sab Koye
regards,
rupesh